


A Half-done Palinode

by angeldescendant



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Eiji grows a pair and just wings it, Fix-It, Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-07-02 22:27:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15805797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angeldescendant/pseuds/angeldescendant
Summary: Eiji gets off the plane and sees Ash sleeping in the library. He wakes him up.





	A Half-done Palinode

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: Spoilers at the end of the series.
> 
> So here. Fuck me, I don’t care, but fuck you too for believing that Ash deserved to die without a struggle. 
> 
> Palinode: A poem in which the poet retracts a view or sentiment expressed in a former poem.

* * *

 

**BOARDING GATE 20, 1 PM**

 

Ash really wasn’t coming.

 

All at once, these thoughts began to rush through Eiji’s head. He was calmer earlier, hopeful even that the letter he sent wouldn’t be the last. There would be another one that will follow, this time not on his end. That it wouldn’t end in letters, in candid photographs, in facetious glances, in empty little echoes of promises and daydreams and doldrums.

 

Fuck it. He was going to come back. He was going to Japan and he will wait for his legs and his soul to heal and then

 

Shit.

 

He was having these second thoughts again. Was he really going to let himself be a leaf in the river, passively washed by the current towards some destination he had no idea where?

 

He can still imagine the steeples of that church in Queens, the vibrant green of Central Park amidst the sweeping cosmopolitan skyscrapers. Wall Street, with all its snooty and power-hungry brokers. Those lions in the library.

 

Ash is there. He’s there.

 

“Can I ask you something, Ibe-san?” He had asked Kong where Ash was and wanted to apologize. He was petty, always making up little excuses like he knew what he was doing and the world was so easy to categorize. He was just a country hick from Izumo then smack dab along the shady alleys of Manhattan. Then there was a man with the face of a Greek god and an intellect that he can never measure up to.

 

“What is it?” Shunichi replies. Eiji looked at his things, for his medicine, for paper and pen.

 

“Remember back in Shimane when you came for the first time to take some photos? I still can’t take them like you can,” he laughed.

 

“You creeped me out,” Shunichi’s eyes glazed for a moment as he straightened his posture. His hands fumbled with strapping on his belt. “Remember how you often kept staring at me?”

 

“I thought you were a dirty old man, that’s why.” He then began to scribble something on the paper. “You didn’t look like a college student at all!”

 

“Dunno where the facial hair trend went. It was cool back then,” he said as he looked at the plane. There was still ten minutes left until take-off. “You’re almost my age, and you still look like you were back then!”

 

“I haven’t really changed, huh…” Eiji stared at the sky. A starling with greying feathers whizzed by. “I guess I couldn’t believe back then that you were an adult. You really looked unsure, nervous even. I never thought people older than me would make faces like that.”

 

“I didn’t know anyone, what were you expecting? My friends kept complaining how far away it was, those pussies.” From the window, they could see the jetty slowly being driven off.

 

“I was surprised that you were studying Oil Painting in university then but was doing photography. Have you ever thought then that you’d be here right now?”

 

Shunichi looked at his watch. Eight minutes before departure. “I only found out what I wanted to do when I saw you fly for the first time. That was the most glorious expression I’ve had the luck to see with my own eyes.”

 

“You’re fawning again.”

 

“I guess,” Shunichi rubbed his chin. “It was serendipity, if that’s how you’d want to phrase it.”

 

“To be honest, I need your blessing,” Eiji said as he returned his pen to his bag. “I guess you can call this serendipity too. Can you give this to… mom for me? Tell her to read it in front of dad when they visit him.” He puts the folded paper in Shunichi’s hands.

 

He smiled in return. It looked like a crease on the bottom of his face. He then looked at his kits until he sees a small bottle. It was Eiko’s parting gift to him before he left. Even though it’s been two years since they broke up, she never forgot to give him birthday presents. A sign of close friendship, or an apology for marrying her office worker? Perhaps. It didn’t really matter now. He looked at his right arm again.

 

Five minutes till they leave. He handed it to Eiji, who looked at him questioningly.

 

“My parting gift to you. Drink it when the stewardess passes by. You sure about this? Your old life’s waiting for you. Are you really willing to leave everything behind?”

 

Eiji embraced Shunichi. Tightly. “I’ll send you an even better expression when you come back.” He emptied the contents. His throat began to itch. “I don’t want him to think he’ll be alone anymore.” He then threw up at the aisle in front of them.

 

* * *

  

**PUBLIC LIBRARY, 2 PM**

 

Sing waited outside the library.

 

Eiji read the Snows of Kilimanjaro since Ash mentioned it. He thought the leopard was the main character. Turned out that it was just a passing mention and not the actual story. Did Ash even read that damn book until the end?

 

Funny, how life imitated art. He pushed his wheelchair up to him. He was sleeping. Blood was dripping from his seat.

 

He felt a tremendous ache in his chest. He wanted to tear that damn organ apart to make it stop.

 

“What the fuck are you doing, Ash?” He looked at the clock in front. He ignored the librarian that was shushing him now. He pointed at Ash quickly, signalled her to take off her heels and run to get 911. It’s been thirty minutes since Sing left. He was still breathing. Damn him. _Goddamn you, Ash._

 

His eyes fluttered at him. He immediately closed it again. Some of the people in front were now looking at them.

 

Eiji didn’t care. “So what, you want us to quarrel? You’re really gonna stay there? Do you really think that you’re a fucking martyr by staying here by yourself?”

 

Ash still didn’t answer. People’s eyes were transfixed at them, fingers on their lips, telling them to take it outside.

 

Eiji simply didn’t give a shit. “Know what I think? You’re a fucking coward. You can’t even face me. You think I’ll be happy if you stay away from me? You dare think that you know me that well?”

 

“Golzine’s dead. Banana fish is no more. So my fighting, my revenge, it’s over.” Ash didn’t bother even looking at all. “I’m satisfied.”

 

Eiji bit his lip. Ash continued to speak. “I’m tired of all of this. I don’t care anymore. My entire family’s dead. Shorter is dead. Skip is dead. People who follow me may drop like flies every time I take a breath.”

 

Good. He still hadn’t lost too much blood, even if he was sweating buckets. Eiji balled his hands into fists.

“Did you read my letter, Ash?” Eiji’s voice was less than a whisper. He could hear the sound of sirens. Of the loud footfalls of the librarian. Of the louder marching of the nurses, of some hospital staff.

 

“Y-You son of a bitch… You can’t even let me die in peace?” Ash growled.

 

He moved his chair forward. “No.”

 

“It doesn’t matter, Eiji. I don’t want to fight anymore.”

 

His hand now eclipsed his. He let the dried blood mingle with his own. He looked at his handwriting on the papers Ash was crowding over. “It hurts, doesn’t it? I’m sorry. Thank you.”

 

“It doesn’t hurt anymore,” Ash’s voice was softer this time. His hand touched Eiji’s.

 

He quickly wiped his face and pursed his lips at the letter. “My English is bad, right?”

 

“Atrocious.”

 

“Ok, then teach me,” he smiled. His tears began to fall.

 

Ash closed his eyes again and slowly shook his head. Eiji raised his other hand to stop the staff from coming.

 

“You’ve always protected me. You may not have meant to, at first, but you still had, without fail.” He released himself from his grip and slowly moved away. “So it’s my turn. Get up, you big lug.” He raised his arm forward towards him. His eyes were glassy. He blinked his bejewelled eyes again. He was going to make it right. He won’t let that damn story dictate Ash’s fate. “I got you.”

 

Eiji opened his hand. He didn’t wait long.

 

* * *

Thy firmness makes my circle just, 

   And makes me end where I begun. 

_-John Donne, A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning_

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> -Drink is Ipecac, a syrup for poisons. Used by bulimics in excess. :/ 
> 
> -BTW, currently translating Fly Boy in the Sky. Derived Ibe and Eiji’s convo from there. Still not done though. Uhm, if there’s anyone who’s not too busy, can you teach me how to Tumblr so I can post it there? Thank you!
> 
> -And many thanks to Planet With please watch it


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